Comical
by Calvin Potterson
Summary: Gary suddenly finds him offered a stay in Riverdale by Calvin, Hobbes, and Jughead. But first, he must save Reggie Mantle, and when he tries to save someone else as well, everything goes wackey, including a kidnapping, a Time-Warp to Hill Valley, 1985, a
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: You think I own Archie & the Gang, Calvin & Hobbes, and Early Edition. I wish. They belong to, respectively, Archie Comics, Bill Watterson, and FoxFamily. Enjoy & Review!  
Part 1  
What would you do if suddenly, what thought wasn't real, became real? I doubt that makes any sense to you whatsoever, but what would you do?  
  
Gary Hobson ran.  
He ran harder.  
"Victor! Victor Parker! Slow down!"  
Amidst the snow, the brown-haired kid looked over his shoulder. Then, the kid stopped.  
Gary slowed his speed down to a trot as he approached the kid.  
"What do you want Mister?"  
"Just stay here kid, and don't move."  
Suddenly, there was a squeal of breaks and a brand-new navy blue Prowler slipped on the icy road, spun and ran over a curb and stopped a few feet in front of where Hobson and Victor Parker were stopped.  
Gary breathed a sigh of relief and looked down at the front page of the Paper. Instead of "BOY, 8, KILLED BY RECKLESS DRIVER" it read "CAR CRASH MIRACULOUSLY LEAVES NONE SERIOUSLY HURT".  
"Wow, thank you, mister." Gary turned his attention back to the kid. "You're welcome."  
**********  
"Good morning Chicago! Well, it certainly isn't a nice day today. Snow, snow, and more snow is expected today-"  
The radio cut off as Gary's hand reached over and turned it off. It was amazing how the weather could be wrong almost all of the time.   
Well, no matter, it was still going to be cold today, ignoring the fact that it was the first day of spring. Temperatures would be in the 50s. Definitely coat weather. He certainly couldn't go out in what he was wearing, Chicago Bears sweatpants and a white T-shirt. Well, maybe the drill sergeant wouldn't come today, of course Gary knew that was impossible. Well, it was possible that there wouldn't be anything bad in the Paper.   
As Gary got out of bed a very familiar sound came from outside the door, a "meow-plop" could be heard. Gary sighed, and opened the door.  
"Oh, it's you, c'mon get inside." The Cat did not move, instead it looked up at Hobson.  
"Oh c'mon, don't give me Bambi eyes, your not going to get any sympathy from me."  
The Cat didn't move.  
"Fine. Be that way." Gary reached over to pick up the Paper from under the Cat. The Cat suddenly ran past Gary and into the room.  
"Jeez, I wish I understood that Cat."  
Gary closed the door and walked inside.  
**********  
Gary sat down at the table at McGinty's.   
"So, Gary," Marissa Clark said softly from across the table, "What's the latest news?"  
Gary unrolled the Paper and sat it down on the table.  
"Well, Gary?"  
Gary took a look at the Paper again.  
"Well, government news on the front page, nothing serious, until something in Riverdale, a kid is knocked out in fight by the Riverdale sports star."  
Marissa looked puzzled, "Riverdale? I've never heard of that place. The only Riverdale I know is in Archie."  
Gary smiled, "Yeah, I might as well read the comics anyway."  
Gary turned the Paper to tomorrow's comics section, and stared. That day's edition of Archie showed Moose Mason socking Reggie over kissing Midge Klump, Moose's girlfriend. The last panel looked suspiciously like the picture next to the article he had just spoke about to Marissa.  
"Gary, what's wrong?" Marrisa's melodious tone broke through the cobwebs forming over Gary's mind.   
"I don't believe it." Gary flipped the pages back to the picture. "Marissa, I need to go to Riverdale."  
"Gary, hold on, why do you need to go to Riverdale?"  
"Marissa, I don't have time to tell you."  
Marissa was not disturbed, "Gary, sit down, I'm sure that you have some time...after all, you don't even know were Riverdale is."  
Gary nodded, then remembering that Marissa couldn't see him spoke up. "All right Marissa, I think the Paper's trying to tell me something, the comics section tells the same story the story about the kid getting beat up does."  
Marissa shook her head. "What?"  
Gary shook his head realizing what he had just said made no sense whatever. "Marissa, your going to think I'm crazy, but I swear that the Paper seems to be telling me to save Reggie Mantle."  
Marissa laughed, "Gary, you haven't been asking for a break lately have you?"  
Gary was startled, "What do you mean?"  
Marissa smiled, "Gary, as far as you know, did Lucieus Snow ever take a day off from the Paper?"  
Gary blinked his eyes, "No."  
"Well do you want to take a day off from the Paper?"  
"Of course."  
Marissa laughed again, "Well, I think you've got a vacation. Why don't you hang out in Riverdale for awhile after the save."  
"You know Marissa, I'll do just that."  
*********  
As Gary walked out of McGinty's, a strange voice, sort of a weird voice spoke, "Hey, Mr. Hobson?"  
Gary turned around, and jumped out of his shoes. It was him!  
"Mr. Hobson, please I want to take you to Riverdale, you need to help Reggie, as much as I'd rather you didn't."   
Gary looked at the slim teenager who was munching on the remains of a Whopper. The kid was wearing a blue sweater with a white "S" on it and black slacks. Upon his head was a crown. With a red button and a white button.  
"J-J-J-Jughead Jones?"  
Jughead smiled as he took the wrapper from the burger and tossed it into a nearby trashcan.   
"Well Gar? If I can call you that."  
"Uh, yeah, sure."  
"Great! Calvin and Hobbes should be here soon."  
Gary's jaw dropped. "Calvin.....and......Hobbes?"  
"Yep, here they come now."  
Suddenly, out of nowhere, came a flying cardboard box.   
"Yo, Calvin! Down here!" Jughead yelled out as loud as he could.   
The box suddenly dove downward. At a ninety degree angle.  
"Wow," breathed Gary.  
Jug turned to Gary. "You ain't seen nothing yet."  
A few nanoseconds later the cardboard box landed on the sidewalk raising dust, but not disturbing any of the people walking on the street.  
Gary turned around to the people in the cardboard box, one was a kid about 6 years old with yellow hair that spiked up as though static electricity was holding it up.  
"Jug, good to see you. Is this Lucieus Snow's successor?"  
Jug smiled and turned to Gary, "Well, Gary, are you?"  
"Uh, yeah, yeah." Then Gary pointed at the people one the sidewalk, "Can't they see us?"  
The other passenger in the box, a tiger looked at Gary, "Naw. Only the people in Riverdale. The hang out city for Calvin and Hobbes characters and Archie characters. Occasionally, we come here to check up on our latest storylines and offer vacations to guardians. By the way, I'm Hobbes." Hobbes held out his paw for Gary to shake.  
"The gar-dee-ens?" Gary spoke the small two word remark slowly and stupidly.  
Jug looked at Gary like he was a visitor from outer space. "Of course. The Guardians of the Papers, at least thats the nick us comic strip characters. You guys need breaks every coupla years." Jughead Jones's eyes narrowed, "You are Lucieus Snow's successor, correct?"  
"Uh, yeah. Well, let's go."  
Calvin nodded, "Well, Gar, if I call you that. Prepare to save Reginald Mantle, then hangout in Riverdale."  
"Right, so how are we getting to Riverdale?"  
Jughead shrugged, "Calvin it's your turn to choose. We took the EL last time with that Snow guy and his Cat. Which was Hobbes' choice."  
The tiger crossed his arms. "That's because I didn't want to ride in this Transdimensional Transporter Craft again."  
Jug snapped, "Yo, your writer got two sabbaticals, and then retired after 10 years! I've been in the business for 55 years, and I didn't even get to pick which TTC to use."  
Calvin glared at Jug, "Yo, right back at you! You would have picked the jalopy. What a heap! I'm glad the car was stolen from Archie!"  
Gary decided to intervene. "Hey, why don't you just let me pick...OK?"  
The arguing stopped at once.  
"That works," said Jughead as he shrugged.  
"OK. That's fine," said Calvin.  
"Works," said Hobbes.  
"Great...now, I'd like to try the TLC."  
Jug slapped Gary on the back, "It's TTC, Gar."  
"Uh, right. Oh, the Paper."  
"You won't be needing that Gar. Here's tomorrow's edition of the Riverdale Bugle. It has more details on what happens to Reggie."  
"Thanks."  
Calvin was getting a little irritated. "OK, guys, pile on in, cross your legs and put on your vortex goggles."  
Gary obeyed the first two commands, then leaned forward.   
Jug immediately saw the movement as he smacked his lips on another Whopper.  
"Sit back, or you'll blow your back out when we start up."  
"Uh, right." Gar leaned back, "But, about the vortex goggles?"  
Jughead took another bite, "Oh, that, don't worry about that."  
"OKaaaaaiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
The TTC jumped into the and zoomed toward the sky at a neckbreak speed.   
Gary barely heard the loud noise of the voice of Calvin. "APPROACHING ESCAPE VELOCITY!!!!"  
A huge green monolith appeared before the TTC, and Calvin didn't steer away from it, and then it seemed to reach out to them.....and then they were gone.  
  
End of Part 1  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: You think I own Archie & the Gang, Calvin & Hobbes, and Early Edition. I wish. They belong to, respectively, Archie Comics, Bill Watterson, and FoxFamily. Enjoy & Review!  
Part 2  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"  
Gary Hobson screamed.  
Hobbes turned around, "Calm down, it's only trans-dimeniional travel!"  
Gary was about to say "Sure..." when green liquiod sucked him into nothingness.  
  
**********  
Oh jeez what a bad dream...  
TTC, Hobbes, Riverdale, hamburgers....  
Hey, was that cardboard he was sitting on, and he was hovering? Now, he was flkying and that was a fact.  
"Oh %$#@!"  
Calvin's voice.  
"What's wrong?"  
"We're on a collison course with Pop's!"  
**********  
Archie sipped his malt.  
"Where's Jughead, he should have been he with Gary?"  
Pretty, seventeen-year old blond Betty Cooper turned around.  
"Why are you worried Archie?"  
"You know Jug...I hope it's not me the guardian of the Papers has to save..."  
Dilton Doliey looked up from his laptop. "Actually Archie, I have computed the odds on which one of us he will have to save based on our everyday activities, lifestyle and other conssiderations."  
Archie Andrews ran a hand through his red hair. "Well what are they?"  
Dilton looked at his notebook's computer.   
"Reggie: 3-1, Veronica: 6-1, Arch Andrews: 17-1, Jug Jones: 23-1, Betty Cooper: 35-1, Dilton, 106-1, Moose: 345-1, Midge: 573-1, Chery: 700-1, Jason 900-1, Calvin: 950-1, Hobbes: 950-1, Pop: 1000:1, Hiram Lodge-1000-1."  
Archie still was nervous, "So have a one in seventeen chance of being the one that the Guardian of the Papers has to save? Great."  
Betty smiled.  
Dilton looked deep into Archie's eyes, "Archie, the figures don't lie. You are also accident-prone."  
Pop looked at them and smiled, they seemed like his kids. Suddenly, he heard a whiustle, and that was a whistle that was only heard from a TTC...  
Smash!  
Glass was everywhere as the cardboard TTC slid into the room. Tables flew everywhere, and Gary wents flying.  
Gary smashed into Arch Andrews. Calvin into a wall and Hobbes into a counter.  
"Ouch, that smarts."  
Jughead Jones lifted his spindly body up and tried to dust off his ripped and ragged clothes. After giving up he limped over to the counter, sat down, looked Pop in the eyes and said,   
"Two Super Delux Burgers, two Super French Fries."  
Gary, himself got up. Groaning he also limped over to the counter.  
Calvin and Hobbes were laughing.  
When they got up everyone started talking at once.  
"Who is he going to save?"  
"Wow, what a landing."  
"He decided to take the TTC? What an idiot."  
This last was from Reggie Mantle himself, handsome, striking, athletic, one of the best people in Riverdale, just ask himself. He had been drinking a strawberry malt in the corner, and nobody had seen him.  
Gary got up.  
"If you say something like that...." It was as though Gary's mouth had closed on himm as though a hand had closed his mouth.  
"He was a about to tell us who he was going to save!"  
These words were spoken by the wise Archie Andrews, a perfect klutz, just ask one of his readers.  
Gary suddenly found himself being able to talk again.  
"What the heck?"  
"Don't worry Gar, Lucieus Snow did the same thing the first time he came here."  
Gary looked at Jughead Jones and shrugged, "Then what do I do?"  
Calvin shrugged back, "Eat, have fun, then save. Just don't do anything else but save the guy...or girl. If you do, the reprucussions can be devastating."  
"Oh."  
End of Part 2  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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